


to end where we began

by tazer



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-17 01:49:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11841459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tazer/pseuds/tazer
Summary: It’s been three months and Jonny still hasn’t touched the boxes he put away in the guest room after Patrick broke up with him.It’s been three months and Jonny still isn’t sure why Patrick broke up with him, but all he knows is that there’s a void in his heart, in his home, a void Patrick used to fill.





	to end where we began

**Author's Note:**

> This would not have been possible without so many people. 
> 
> But, main thanks to [livingoutofcases](archiveofourown.org/users/livingoutofcases) for being awesome. She managed to make this look great!And, big thanks to [liveinfury](archiveofourown.org/users/lotionbottle) for the beta! 
> 
> Oh and thanks to [viennajones](archiveofourown.org/users/viennajones) and [nuuclears](archiveofourown.org/users/nuuclears) for their support and to [eberbae](archiveofourown.org/users/dustyjournal) for organizing this fest!

It’s been three months and Jonny still hasn’t touched the boxes he put away in the guest room after Patrick broke up with him. 

It’s been three months and Jonny still isn’t sure why Patrick broke up with him, but all he knows is that there’s a void in his heart, in his home, a void Patrick used to fill. 

He walks by the guest room one afternoon after practice and stands on the threshold for a few minutes. His mind trails back to all the memories that are tightly packed into the boxes and he doesn’t want to think about any of them, and he doesn’t want to think about Patrick either. 

He sighs, his heart heavy in his chest as he shuts the door and heads to his room down the corridor. He sits on the bed trying to figure out why he hasn’t gotten rid of all those things even though he knows they bring him pain, but there’s a voice inside of him that always seems to remind Jonny that he’s not ready to let go of Patrick, of the life they had together for six years before Patrick decided he’d had enough. 

Something vibrates in Jonny’s pocket and it startles him out of his thoughts. He grabs his phone and unlocks it, finding a few missed calls and a recent text from Seabs asking if Jonny wants to come over to his place for a barbecue tonight. 

Jonny thinks about it for a moment and hesitates but he quickly weighs the pros and cons. The possibility of Patrick being there outweighs all the other things on his list so Jonny decides against it. He’s been able to deal with Patrick’s presence at the rink because he knows he has to, but seeing him outside of hockey doesn’t seem like a good idea right now, not with the way things ended. He’s about to send Seabs a quick apology when there’s a knock at his door. 

Jonny sends the text before he slowly lifts himself from the bed and makes his way to the front door. He’s curious to know who it is since he’s not expecting anyone, but there are a lot of people who’ve showed up unannounced recently. The walk down the small corridor seems endless and he exhales when he finally reaches the door. He takes a deep breath before pulling the door open and he’s stunned by the person standing on the other side. 

Jonny’s first instinct would be to shut the door in his face and tell Patrick to leave, but he lets the door open and guesses he’ll hear what Patrick has to say. 

Patrick’s still in his gear from the gym, much like Jonny, and he seems out of breath. His hair is tucked under a hat, like it always is these days, and he looks good, relaxed. There’s something about the look on his face that begs for forgiveness, like it has for the past few months, but Jonny knows better than to give in that easily to the guy who broke his heart with no explanation. 

“What are you doing here?” Jonny asks, calmly, when his mouth manages to connect with his brain. He wants to yell all sorts of things, some meaner than others, but he refrains from doing any of that, his lips forming a thin line. He’s not the one in the wrong here. 

Patrick’s biting on his nails, seemingly trying to find a reason that won’t make Jonny shut the door in his face. Jonny doesn’t think anything Patrick has to say is worth hearing right now, so he’s about to close the door when Patrick stops it with his hand. 

“I wanted to see you,” Patrick forces out, as if his words were answer enough. 

Jonny rolls his eyes but he doesn’t apply more force to close the door shut. As much as he might’ve found those exact words flattering a few months ago, their meaning right now is completely different and Jonny’s not sure he likes it. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Jonny says, holding Patrick’s gaze. As much as he wishes things were different, Jonny doesn’t like the fact that Patrick thinks he can just barge into Jonny’s condo without a warning or a valid explanation. So he says, “You can’t be here, Patrick,” and hopes Patrick gets his cue to leave. 

Patrick’s about to say something when Jonny shakes his head and reluctantly lets him in so he can shut the door. This is a conversation they should have in private, not one that should be overheard by nosy neighbours. Jonny looks up to meet Patrick’s eyes and this time, he holds his glance until Patrick looks back at him willingly for the first time in months and it’s too much for Jonny to handle, so he looks away. 

“You’re the one that ended this,” Jonny says, shutting his eyes for an instant. His grip is still firm on the door handle and he’s pulling the door open, looking up to meet Patrick’s eye again. “You can’t just walk in here like nothing happened just because you want to see me.” 

Jonny is usually really good at keeping his emotions bottled in but if this goes on any longer, he thinks he might do something stupid. “Just go, please,” he says on an exhale. 

He stares into Patrick’s eyes and there’s the same look in his eyes that he had that night when he ended things and left. This time, Patrick doesn’t move a muscle. He stays right where he is and it’s Jonny who opens the door a little wider, hoping that this time Patrick turns around and leaves. 

Patrick turns to the door but instead of walking past the threshold and into the small corridor like Jonny wishes he would, Patrick shuts the door and corners Jonny against it. They’re standing too close for comfort and Jonny shakes his head, closing his eyes before he does anything he’ll regret, like leaning in to bring their mouths together like he would’ve if the circumstances were different. Now though, he simply pushes Patrick off of him and flips them over so that Patrick is the one with his back pressed against the cold, wooden door. He takes a step back to keep the distance between them far enough to keep him from acting out his thoughts. 

“What do you want from me, huh? You break up with me without giving me a reason why and then you show up unannounced at my place three months later because what, you miss me?” 

Jonny’s angry and he wants answers, answers that Patrick doesn’t seem very inclined to give him, apparently, and he can feel his nostrils flare, anger rising up in his chest. Patrick is quiet for a moment and Jonny can’t say he remembers Patrick being this quiet before. They’ve always had an easygoing relationship and it often proved hard to shut either of them up once they’d get started on something, so seeing Patrick still and quiet in front of him makes Jonny feel all sorts of ways. He’s expecting Patrick to ignore the question because Jonny probably would’ve if he was in his shoes, but Patrick looks up and meets Jonny’s eyes before clearing his throat.

“Yeah,” Patrick says, with a sigh. It almost sounds like he’s deflating, like he’s had that bottled up inside him for so long that he’s glad to finally be able to let it out. “Would that be so bad?” 

Silence stills between them and Jonny almost flinches at how awkward it is. In all the years he’s known Patrick, there has never been a quiet moment with him, even when Jonny was angry at Patrick, he couldn’t help but want to talk to him. This, in a way, seems different because Jonny doesn’t even know what to say. He wants to blame Patrick for leaving, but he doesn’t know why he left so maybe the fault falls partially on him, too. 

Jonny sighs. “It’s not like we don’t see each other every day, Patrick,” he says a minute later, as if he didn’t miss being with Patrick outside of hockey. 

They still see each other every day at the rink, but it’s not the same. It doesn’t even compare to the relationship they had off the ice for the past six years. Jonny doesn’t comment on that and waits for Patrick to answer. 

“I know,” Patrick says belatedly, a hand scratching the back of his neck. He takes a step forward and Jonny tenses but doesn’t take a step back. 

He’s standing so close now and Patrick seems to forget how well Jonny knows him. He seems to forget that they were together for six years and that Jonny picked up on a lot of things, like the way Patrick’s breath gets caught up in his throat before he does something he knows he might regret, or something he thinks might backfire.

Before Jonny gets the chance to tell Patrick that he doesn’t think this is a good idea, Patrick places his hand on the side of Jonny’s neck and closes the gap between them, his lips soft and wet against Jonny’s. Jonny hesitates before he kisses back, closing his eyes as he deepens the kiss. He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, he knows how bad he’s going to regret it when Patrick leaves and doesn’t come back but Jonny doesn’t care right now. 

It starts off slow but it deepens apace, Jonny’s hands on Patrick’s waist as he pushes his tongue inside Patrick’s mouth. Jonny pulls Patrick closer, instinctively, and wraps an arm around his waist. Patrick’s tongue sweeps into his mouth again and Jonny feels like his knees are about to give out. There’s something about the way Patrick kisses that always had Jonny coming back for more and now that he gets to kiss Patrick again, he never wants to stop. 

Patrick leans forward, pressing their groins together and Jonny’s breath catches in his throat for a second when he feels Patrick’s hard, clothed dick brushing against his. He leans into the touch, instinctively, like he would’ve if this had happened when they were still together and he feels himself chubbing up in his pants. Jonny sighs inwardly at how easy he still is for Patrick, even though he shouldn’t be. He feels like he should push Patrick away because he knows just how bad of a turn this can take but Patrick cuts that train of thought off by grinding his hips against Jonny’s again, this time firmer. 

Jonny groans and bites at the skin of Patrick’s neck. He knows it might leave a mark but he doesn’t care, not when Patrick leans into the touch like he doesn’t want Jonny to break contact. Jonny mouths at his neck then, his lips warm against Patrick’s skin until Patrick moves out of Jonny’s grip and kisses him again. 

Jonny’s eyes are still closed when he breaks the kiss, taking a deep breath since he’s not as young as he used to be. He doesn’t even get to open them again before Patrick is dragging him in for another kiss, reconnecting their lips together as his eyelashes flutter lightly against Jonny’s cheeks.

Jonny slips his hands under the hem of Patrick’s shirt and he takes Patrick’s shirt off in a quick motion. He throws the shirt across the room, careless of wherever it lands and turns back towards Patrick, their faces mere inches apart as Jonny feels Patrick breathing against his cheeks. 

It’s like time freezes for a second and him and Patrick are the only two people in the world, doing their own thing while everything else has stopped. Jonny hasn’t seen Patrick half-naked in more than three months and seeing him like this feels different. His shoulders are broad, like they used to be, but there’s this added muscle that has Jonny’s mouth watering. It’s no secret that Jonny always thought Patrick was attractive, but seeing him up close, half-naked only for Jonny’s eyes to see, sends shivers down his spine. He finds his hands moving up from Patrick’s hips to his shoulders where they thumb at the skin with minimal force. 

For a moment, neither of them move, until Patrick huffs and tugs at Jonny’s shirt a little. The shirt bunches up, showing off his hip and Patrick takes his time pulling it off, taking in every part of Jonny’s chest like it’s the first time he’s seen it. Maybe if this had been another time, Jonny might’ve snapped, but he’s missed Patrick—missed this—too much to even think about getting angry right now. Once his shirt is pulled up to his shoulders, Jonny takes it off and lets Patrick’s hands roam on his skin. 

It doesn’t last long before Patrick puts a hand on the back of Jonny’s neck to pull him down for a kiss, messy at best but better than anything Jonny would’ve expected when he opened the door. His tongue laps on Jonny’s bottom lip, urging him to open his mouth further and since Jonny isn’t known to be someone who denies Patrick anything, he lets Patrick deepen the kiss and tightens his grip on Patrick’s hip. 

Patrick breaks the kiss a few minutes later, one hand on Jonny’s waist while the other rubs at the short hair draping the nape of Jonny’s neck. He takes a step back and licks his lips before picking his shirt up from the floor. 

Jonny wants to pull Patrick closer but he doesn’t because he knew when he kissed back that it would have to end eventually. He knew that Patrick’s visit to his apartment wasn’t endless and that he’d have to leave because he doesn’t live here anymore. Jonny didn’t expect this—Patrick leaving without a word, without even looking at Jonny while he slips back into his shirt. 

“Peeks,” Jonny breathes out, the words coming out of his mouth before he can stop himself. “We should—”

Patrick sighs, taking one last look at Jonny before he stares at the door, and says, “I should go. I just—I’ll see you at practice, Jonny.” 

And Jonny doesn’t have it in him to stop Patrick from leaving. 

The door shuts behind Patrick and Jonny stands there for a few minutes, watching the spot where Patrick had been standing. He’s trying to understand what the whole point of this was if Patrick was simply going to leave at the end without giving Jonny a reason. Then again, he’s not really surprised because he’s already played that game with Patrick the night they broke up and should’ve seen this coming the minute Patrick walked in, barely putting in a word or two before he kissed Jonny like the last three months didn’t happen. 

Jonny closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he calls Seabs to tell him he changed his mind about the barbeque. 

*

Jonny spends the next few days in a confused state where he doesn’t see the difference between right and wrong. He spends half of his free time sulking and he spends the rest at the gym in his building, trying not to think about the way Patrick’s lips had felt against his when he kissed him. 

He goes to the rink for practice and goes to games but he doesn’t see Patrick or his other teammates outside of hockey and he gets used to it. He develops some kind of routine, sleeps in more often than not and even though he’d wish he didn’t, he can’t stop thinking about Patrick and about what it meant to him when he decided, surely in the spur of the moment, that kissing Jonny wouldn’t have any consequences. 

On the night they play the Oilers, Jonny gets to the rink early. He’s sitting in his car when another car pulls up next to him. Jonny doesn’t get out when he figures out who it belongs to and assumes Sharpy will take his things out of the trunk and head inside without bothering him. He should’ve known better, knowing that Sharpy is always one to interfere when something happens between him and Patrick. Sharpy knocks on the door of the passenger seat and opens it before Jonny can nod. 

He slides into the seat and offers Jonny a grin that seems too nice for someone who’s usually on Patrick’s side when they fight. 

“You’ve looked better, Toes,” Sharpy says, punching his shoulder lightly. 

Jonny sighs because yeah, he’s had better days. He’s had better days but he’s been feeling awful like this for the last three months and Patrick kissing him then running for the hills hasn’t made it better. He doesn’t tell Sharpy as much because he doesn’t know how much Patrick has told him, though Patrick has never really kept anything from Sharpy, so Jonny wouldn’t be surprised if he knew more than Jonny himself. 

Instead, he says, “Yeah, well,” and lets his voice trail off, hoping Sharpy understands that this means he doesn’t want to talk. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Sharpy offers, settling in more comfortably in the leather seat. 

“Not really,” Jonny answers, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Now, can you please get out of my car?” 

Jonny gets out of the car regardless of Sharpy’s answer and he grabs his phone and earphones before closing the door shut. He puts his entire music library on shuffle before putting his phone in his pocket, earphones pressed into his ears as he walks towards the trunk to get his things. Sharpy only gets out of the car when Jonny closes the trunk and he locks the car before walking towards the entrance. 

“You can tell me anything, you know,” Sharpy says, catching up to Jonny. He puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him and Jonny stops walking, takes an earphone off and blinks. 

“I don’t want to talk about this, Sharpy, please let it go. I want to focus on the game,” Jonny says, making up an excuse because he’s barely able to focus on hockey right now because of Patrick. 

He starts walking again but Sharpy sees right through his lie. “You know, you don’t have to lie to me I can see it on your face. It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it but don’t lie to me, Toes.” 

Jonny snorts. “I liked you more when you were in Dallas,” he says, walking away, this time putting his earphone back in. 

“You don’t mean that,” Sharpy gasps, but he’s grinning. 

“No, I don’t,” Jonny says, matching Sharpy’s grin. 

Everything’s going to be fine, he tells himself. 

Except, things are not fine. When he walks down the corridor and into the locker room, his eyes fall on Patrick who’s usually always late to games, but tonight he’s sitting in his stall getting ready when everybody else is busy having a conversation elsewhere. Sharpy makes a beeline for his stall which is right next to Patrick—per request, though at this point Jonny doesn’t know—and Jonny heads straight to his. 

He doesn’t get dressed at first, he just sits on the bench with his suit on, listening to music and closing his eyes, hoping that it’ll make him stop thinking about the way he let Patrick walk straight into his apartment, let him kiss him without saying anything. He let him walk out without an explanation again and didn’t even bother running outside to catch him. His eyes are still closed when he hears shuffling next to him. When he opens them, he finds Seabs giving him a weird look because he’s already dressed with his gear, and all that’s missing is his jersey. 

Seabs doesn’t say anything because he knows better than to bother Jonny when he’s like this, so Jonny offers him a quick nod of the head before he starts putting his gear on. 

*

The game against the Oilers is a game Jonny wants to forget. His play was sloppy and his passes didn’t connect for 60 minutes and the glares Coach Q was sending him didn’t help one bit. He made a pass too soon and helped the Oilers score their first goal of the game and it only went downhill after that. 

*

They get to the hotel in Arizona right on time for check-in the next day and Jonny locks himself in his hotel room for hours, bags and suitcases still sitting on the floor close to the door. He grabs his laptop from his bag and watches some game-tape because he can’t have another loss fall on him. He studies the way the Coyotes play for an hour, finding flaws and openings on their penalty kill to use against them in the game tomorrow before jotting them down quickly. He does the same thing for the Golden Knights, though it seems harder since he’s never played against them as a whole and only knows some of the players’ weaknesses. 

It’s around six when Jonny decides to take a break and he goes to Sharpy’s room where they’ve set up Mario Kart just like old times and Patrick isn’t there. He’s shocked, surprised maybe, because ever since Sharpy got back from Dallas, he and Patrick have almost been glued to the hip. Jonny doesn’t notice how fast time flies until he’s won almost every race and everyone’s saying they’re gonna go back to their rooms because practice is early tomorrow. 

He goes back to his room and gets into the shower, letting the warm water wash over any thoughts of Patrick he’s had in the past few days. It doesn’t really work but when Jonny turns off the shower head, he’s a lot more relaxed than he was when they first got in. 

Jonny steps out of the shower and grabs the nearest towel to dry himself off before he wraps it around his waist and takes a look in the mirror. The circles under his eyes are bigger than before and there’s only one person to blame for it. He sighs, before heading back to the room where he looks through his suitcase for something comfortable to wear. He’s about to put on a shirt when there’s a knock on the adjoining door. 

Jonny knows better than going over there and opening the door, judging by the events that occurred last time Patrick knocked on his door. He knows he should’ve requested another room because this was bound to happen at some point but it never crossed Jonny’s mind, not even once, to ask for a different room. 

The knocking persists and Jonny’s hand hesitates on the door handle. He knows he’s going to regret this the second Patrick walks in, asking about whatever it is that he wants, but he opens the door regardless and sighs, because Patrick looks good—even Jonny can admit that—and he doesn’t know how long he can last without touching him when Patrick is standing this close. 

“What do you want?” Jonny asks, tone dull and monotone. He looks up to meet Patrick’s eyes and snorts when Patrick’s glance avoids his eyes completely. 

Patrick takes a step forward and even though Jonny gets a sense of deja vu, he doesn’t take a step back. Instead, he takes a step forward before Patrick can do anything else and pushes him against the door, his lips warm on Patrick’s neck. Patrick smells of aftershave and his skin is still warm from what Jonny assumes is a hot shower. He nibbles on the skin there, enjoying the way Patrick groans under his touch. 

Jonny lifts Patrick’s chin up to bring their mouths together and he feels Patrick relax under his grip and leans into the kiss. It’s not like that kiss back at the apartment because Jonny’s in control, guiding Patrick’s mouth with a loose grip at the nape of his neck. Patrick’s mouth is soft against his, much like last time, and Jonny bites on Patrick’s bottom lip. 

They mindlessly start working their way towards the bed, their lips not breaking apart even for a second and once Jonny gets a knee on the bed, he lets Patrick fall onto the mattress before getting on top of him. He reconnects their lips once, twice before he stops and stares at Patrick for a second; Patrick is staring right back at him. 

The grin pulling at Jonny’s lips seems inevitable at this point and he goes back to nipping at Patrick’s neck, his hips snug against Patrick’s own. The position isn’t perfect, but with the way Jonny’s lying on top of Patrick, he can feel how hard Patrick is underneath him. He grins their hips together, slowly and carefully so his towel doesn’t fall, but things seem to be going too slow for Patrick when he pulls on the towel and throws it on the ground before propping himself on his elbows to capture Jonny’s lips again. 

Jonny doesn’t know what this means. He doesn’t know what it means when Patrick kisses him like that—like he missed him even though he was the one to leave without an explanation that night. 

“What are we doing?” Jonny asks on an exhale, instinctively running his fingers into Patrick’s hair. 

Patrick’s laugh is curt and feels sour in the quiet of the room. “I don’t know,” he says, honest as he leans into Jonny’s touch a bit more. “I like where this is going, though.” 

“Yeah,” Jonny says. 

He starts kissing Patrick’s jaw, making his way down on his neck, fingers sliding under Patrick’s shirt and onto the warm skin there. Their hips are still grinding against each other in slow circles and Jonny hasn’t felt this good in a while. He rakes his teeth against Patrick’s skin, enjoying the way it sends shivers all through Patrick. He tugs on the shirt to pull it over Patrick’s head and he’s not even surprised when Patrick tries to sit up and take his shirt off himself. 

He grins in Jonny’s general direction, tosses the shirt away and lies back down on his back. Jonny’s hands are on Patrick’s shoulder in mere seconds and they slide down his arms slowly. Jonny’s cock is hard between his thighs and he’s sure Patrick can feel it. The feeling of Jonny’s naked cock as it rubs against the fabric of Patrick’s pants is like no other, and he grinds down with more force, like he wants Patrick to feel just how hard he is for him. 

“Fuck,” Patrick says, his head tipped back against the pillows. 

There’s a hand on Jonny’s hip, and he gets on the bed next to Patrick and watches as Patrick stands up from the mattress and unbuttons his pants with fumbling fingers. Jonny stares at the way Patrick’s cock is hard in his tight boxers, so hard Jonny thinks it might pierce the fabric. Patrick pushes his pants and boxers down his legs and gets back on the bed, his eyes filled with lust and something else Jonny can’t quite put his finger on. 

He looks up at Jonny through thick eyelashes. “You should—” he starts by saying, but he doesn’t have to say much else for Jonny to get on with it.

There’s a moment where Jonny forgets that this isn’t their first time, that he’s had sex with Patrick countless times before, yet he still feels the need to make it as good for him as possible, the need to not disappoint. 

Jonny’s tongue sticks out to lick his bottom lip as he braces both hands on Patrick’s ass. His fingers dig into the skin a little before he spreads Patrick’s legs a little wider on the bed, giving himself better access. The air hitting Patrick’s bare hole seems to be doing something for him because he squirms, twitching against the mattress, his eyes closed completely. There’s something about watching Patrick fall apart because of him that hits home for Jonny. There’s something about the way he knows everything that gets Patrick going and can use that to his advantage.

Jonny doesn’t realize how much he’s missed being in close proximity with Patrick until he’s living it. He doesn’t realize how much he’s missed the way Patrick reacts to a finger circling his hole until Jonny sucks the tip of his thumb into his mouth, pressing the digit against the rim of Patrick’s hole. His reaction is the same each time, but there’s something special about the way he reacts right now, fingers pulling onto the bedsheets with a tight and firm grip. 

Patrick opens his eyes when Jonny removes his thumb and they make eye contact for a moment, a genuine grin splayed on Patrick’s face like Jonny hasn’t seen in months. 

It quickly turns into a smirk. 

“Are you gonna do anything, or are you just gonna tease me all night?” Patrick says, and his tone is light for once. 

Jonny returns the smile and heaves himself from the bed to reach into his suitcase where he quickly finds a bottle of lube sitting in the upper pocket. He pops the cap open before kneeing on the bed, bringing Patrick’s hips closer to him. He pours a small amount of lube on the tip of his fingers and slicks them up at a shallow pace, ignoring the huffs Patrick elicits. 

He probes at Patrick’s puckered skin with his thumb again, this time pushing in a little deeper and judging by the way Patrick’s face contorts, it feels as good for him as it does for Jonny, maybe even better. Jonny presses his index finger in, up to the knuckle and enjoys the little ah sounds that come out of Patrick’s mouth, his hole opening up for Jonny’s finger with ease. 

Jonny makes eye contact with Patrick before adding another finger, pushing it in slowly before moving it in sync with the other finger. They slip in almost as easily as the first one and Jonny has to bite his bottom lip when Patrick’s hand reaches down to grab his thigh, groaning when Jonny’s fingers hit a favoured spot. Jonny can’t help but look smug, pressing his own fingers against Patrick’s prostate again, once, twice, enjoying every second even though he’s not the one getting his ass played with. 

“You good?” Jonny asks, breaking the silence at last. Patrick’s eyes pop open and he looks at Jonny before he gives him a curt nod. 

“Yeah,” Patrick says, tensing when Jonny pulls his fingers almost all the way out before pushing them back in. He stifles a groan by biting on his lip and Jonny’s eyes stay on Patrick’s lips for a prolonged second there, staring at how red a simple bite can make them. 

He adds another finger when Patrick’s grip on his thigh tightens and Patrick’s mouth falls open. Jonny’s cock isn’t as big as Patrick’s, but it’s big enough to require at least three fingers in Patrick’s ass if Jonny doesn’t want him to be sore the next morning. He uses his free hand to pull on the foreskin a little, pushing it back just enough to get blood running to his cock. He feels it chub up in his palm in mere seconds, the weight of his cock in his hand extremely pleasant. 

Patrick’s cock lies onto his stomach, the red tip leaking with pre-come and Jonny has an urge to touch it because as much as this is about making himself feel good, it’s also about making the other person you’re with feel equally as good. Jonny hasn’t forgotten how badly Patrick has hurt him in the past months, but for now, all he wants is to cherish the moment before it ends so he presses his fingers in one last time before slipping his fingers out of Patrick’s hole, watching it clench against the thin air.

Jonny gives his cock a few jerks even though he’s already hard and he leans forward to press his lips against Patrick’s, the tip of his cock brushing between Patrick’s asscheeks and against his bare hole. Patrick stills, leaning into the kiss more, pressing himself closer to Jonny’s chest. Both of Jonny’s hands are on Patrick’s sides, holding himself up as he licks softly into Patrick’s mouth, tongue warm and wet against Patrick’s own. He fits a hand between their chests, wrapping it loosely against Patrick’s cock as he strokes the shaft. 

Patrick pulls back, his head back onto the pillow as he groans. Jonny knows just how much Patrick likes to be touched, so he starts nipping away at his jawline and makes his way down to his chest where he tweaks one of his nipples before continuing his way down. Patrick’s laugh is short and loud when Jonny’s fingers touch his nipple and he keeps a half-smile on his face. 

Jonny mouths at the tip of Patrick’s cock when he gets there and snorts when he feels it move after he pulls off. He gets back onto his knees and stares down at Patrick. 

“We should—” Jonny starts but he stops himself mid-sentence because he’s not exactly sure where he was going with that thought. 

If there’s one thing he knows is that he doesn’t want to stop what they’re doing. He isn’t sure how this is helping them go back to where they were before Patrick broke up with him, and he still wants to know why Patrick left so abruptly without saying why. But he doesn’t want to stop because what they have is good. It’s working for them and Jonny wouldn’t replace that with anything else. 

So, instead of finishing that train of thought, Jonny grabs the bottle of lube he discarded before and slicks himself up. He doesn’t say anything at first because he knows Patrick isn’t going to protest to a good fuck—hell, neither would Jonny—but before he gets the chance to decide against it, Patrick speaks up from where he’s lying on the mattress. 

“You should fuck me,” Patrick says, hand soft against Jonny’s thigh. 

Jonny grins before he spreads Patrick’s cheeks open and pushes in shallowly. He doesn’t bother with a condom because ever since he’s tried sex without a condom with Patrick, he’s enjoyed the way he can feel Patrick clench around his cock. Jonny looks at Patrick one last time before he pushes into him until he’s balls deep, Patrick’s mouth opening on a groan. 

Patrick’s hole is loose and wet from all the prep but Jonny’s cock is still a tight fit when he pulls it out halfway and pushes back in with hard strokes. Jonny bottoms out and leans forward to catch Patrick’s lips with his own, the kiss messy and uncoordinated but still good for a spur of the moment thing. Jonny manages to slow things down a bit, kissing Patrick just how he likes it—languid but still quick enough to match Jonny’s thrusts. 

The hand Patrick had pressed on Jonny’s hip slips between them and jerks his cock a few times. Jonny can feel the quick paced brush of Patrick’s hand against his stomach but he tries not to divert his attention from Patrick. He quickens the pace when Patrick makes a face, staring at Jonny through half-lidded eyes, almost announcing he’s about to come. 

Patrick’s hips start meeting Jonny’s thrusts, mouth still working against Jonny’s as they kiss. Jonny groans involuntarily when Patrick clenches around him, his hole tight and warm against Jonny’s cock and Jonny feels like he’s seconds away from coming when Patrick does it again, detaching their lips just to show how smug he looks. 

The sex has always been good between them ever since that first time they slept together. It wasn’t the first time for either of them and Jonny could tell from the get-go that sex with Patrick would never get old. It’s six years later and he still feels the same—he doesn’t think it will ever change. 

“I’m gonna come if you keep doing this,” Patrick says, breaking Jonny out of his thoughts. It makes Jonny smile, in its own way, only because he knows that’s Patrick’s subtle way to tell Jonny that the sex is good. It’s satisfying enough. 

Patrick doesn’t last very long after that, Jonny fucking into him slowly as he comes, white stripes covering his chest and a little bit of Jonny’s. His head hits the pillows with a quiet thud, heavy breaths filling the room. Jonny’s still fucking into him and Patrick lets him, too worn out to do anything about it.

Jonny’s not on the edge quite yet, fucking into Patrick a little faster though not too much because he knows how Patrick gets after sex—he gets tired and lazy, barely able to get out of bed when Jonny tells him to go to the bathroom and clean himself up. He knows how Patrick is directly after that too, sleeping it off on the bed before Jonny gets the chance to come back from the bathroom. 

It’s a pattern, has been that way for years, so he’s surprised when Patrick props himself onto his elbows and eyes Jonny’s cock. Jonny slips out of Patrick, his gaping hole clenching on nothing again, catching Jonny’s attention for a moment. Then, Patrick flips onto his stomach and grabs Jonny’s cock with one hand, pushing the foreskin back before he pushes the tip into his mouth, his wet tongue swirling against it. He doesn’t pull the skin back too far and knows exactly how Jonny likes his blowjobs, which makes this a lot more enjoyable for the both of them. 

Patrick’s mouth is hot and it takes only a few long bobs of Patrick’s head before Jonny can tell he’s gonna come any second now. He figures Patrick might want to pull off before he comes, so he tangles a hand into his hair and pulls on it tightly. Patrick shakes his head and hums around Jonny’s cock and that’s all it takes for Jonny to come down his throat, come spurting out from the tip for a while before Patrick can allow himself to pull off and swallow, licking his bottom lip in the process. 

Jonny sits on the bed next to Patrick and smiles in his general direction before taking a quick look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It’s half past one in the morning and they have skate at eleven a.m. so Jonny forces himself off the bed and gets up, albeit reluctant, to go to the bathroom. He doesn’t shut the door but he grabs a small towel and dampens it under the faucet before he traipses his way back into the room where Patrick has curled himself into a more comfortable position. He doesn’t look like he’s asleep but he’s pretty close, so Jonny tries his best to clean the puddle of come on his chest before he uses the same towel to clean himself. 

Jonny slides into bed next to Patrick, closes the light and even though it takes him a while to fall asleep, this time he doesn’t mind, leaning closer to Patrick and letting himself drift to sleep. 

*

Jonny wakes up the following morning and the other half of the bed is empty. It’s cold and the bed covers are pulled up, like nobody slept there in the first place. 

He doesn’t know why he was expecting Patrick to be lying next to him, still half asleep when he would wake up, an arm still wrapped around Patrick’s middle. Jonny doesn’t know why he got his hopes up again when Patrick decided to stay, why he didn’t consider him leaving a possibility. Jonny doesn’t want to admit it aloud or to himself, but this has been the best sleep he’s had in months and he knows Patrick has everything to do with it. 

He spends a good ten minutes in bed, staring up at the ceiling with his head propped against a few pillows, wondering what could’ve gone wrong in their relationship that made Patrick leave once, twice and a third time last night. He’s starting to think that the problem probably started with him, but he doesn’t know and won’t know for sure until he talks to Patrick. 

Jonny thinks about how foolish it was to sleep with Patrick, especially on the night before a game day, and heaves himself from the bed, rubbing a hand on his tired eyes. He forces out a yawn and pulls a shirt from the floor, slipping it on before heading towards the bathroom. 

There’s a knock on the door when he gets out and maybe Jonny is a little too hopeful to see Patrick standing on the other side that when he hears a high-pitched voice say, “Room service,” the grin on his face falters into a full frown and he forces a smile before taking his food and shutting the door. 

He eats his omelette on the bed, eyes focused on the large TV screen sitting on the wall in front of him. Jonny feels himself chewing angrily, thinking about how he should be eating breakfast with Patrick like he used to. He looks at the second plate on the room service tray and sighs. He should’ve known better than to think Patrick would stay. He’s the one who left, Jonny thinks, he doesn’t have a reason to come back. At least, not yet. 

The volume on the TV is low and Jonny is barely listening to the news but he looks up when he hears some shuffling on the other side of the adjoining door. He suddenly thinks about how easy it would be to make the few steps it takes to reach it, twist the handle and see if Patrick will let him in. He thinks about how he should’ve thought about that months ago when he laid at night unable to sleep, thinking about what Patrick was up to on the other side of the wall. 

His phone vibrates on the nightstand and Jonny extends his arm to grab it. He’s still munching on what’s left of his omelette and fumbles with the phone in one hand but once he manages to catch a glimpse of the screen, he remembers the alarm he set the night before because he had a feeling he might show up late to practice. 

He still has a good thirty minutes before he’s due downstairs, so Jonny takes his time getting dressed, eating half of an apple while slipping into a clean pair of underwear before walking over to his suitcase to retrieve the pair of sweatpants he planned on wearing before last night’s events. 

He takes an under armour from his suitcase and puts it on, his eyes going back and forth between the hockey highlights shown on TV and the connecting door. He lets out a heavy sigh before closing his suitcase and only bringing the necessary things for practice. 

He doesn’t meet Patrick in the hall and doesn’t complain when he gets a seat to himself at the back of the bus. 

*

The game that night is as hard fought as Jonny had expected. They trail by one goal for the first two periods and finally manage to score three in the third to avoid another loss. The atmosphere in the locker room is heavy, even though they won, because everyone’s currently thinking about ways they could’ve avoided that first goal early in the first. There’s a bit of chatter, people talking about what they’re going to do next because they’re in Vegas and they just won, so the possibilities are basically endless. 

Jonny doesn’t take part in the conversation as actively as he should, sparing glances in Patrick’s direction instead, every time someone suggests going out, to see if Patrick seems interested in that or if he’d rather have a quiet night in. 

The latter seems quite impossible considering the city they’re in, but they all decide to go out for a few drinks and for food after stopping by the hotel to change. Patrick seems indifferent, unbothered by the conversation but when Sharpy drops next to him, he smiles a little and gathers his gear into his bag before following him out. 

Jonny is two steps behind them when they get out and when he sees Sharpy walking faster to catch up with Seabs, Jonny takes two long strides to catch up with Patrick. Patrick doesn’t acknowledge his presence for a while and he doesn’t tell Jonny to go, so Jonny stays with him until they get in the bus and takes the seat next to Patrick on the bus, a seat that Sharpy has so conveniently left unoccupied. 

“Hey,” Jonny says, sliding into the seat. He tries to make eye contact with Patrick but Patrick’s eyes are too busy on his phone to even meet his. “Peeks, we need to talk.” 

Jonny doesn’t know whether the nickname catches his attention or the whole sentence but Patrick pockets his phone and looks at Jonny. The circles under his eyes are gone, like Jonny’s, so he assumes Patrick’s had an equally good night of sleep, his back pressed against Jonny’s chest. It hits Jonny right at that moment that he doesn’t only miss Patrick, he misses the small things they did together along with the big ones. 

Patrick sighs. “Yeah, I know.” 

It’s the first time Patrick agrees to talk about the elephant in the room, so Jonny’s heart skips in his chest. He doesn’t want to pressure Patrick into talking to him even though that’s all he wanted for months; for Patrick to explain why he left so suddenly and didn’t look back. 

Patrick takes his earphones off. “We could talk when we get back home,” he says, and Jonny flinches when he hears the word ‘home’ but nods regardless. 

Jonny doesn’t even know what the word home means for Patrick anymore because the only place he’d spend almost as much time as he did at his condo was Jonny’s apartment. He doesn’t mention how his apartment hasn’t felt like home since Patrick left and figures that if it has to be brought up in a later conversation then so be it, but he’s sure as hell not talking about it now. 

“Yeah,” Jonny says belatedly, thinking that maybe his opinion will hold more ground if he’s using words instead of gestures. 

Patrick grins. “We deserve to go out with the rest of the guys to celebrate the win.”

“Yeah,” Jonny repeats and they don’t talk for the rest of the bus ride. 

 

*

They get back from Vegas early in the morning the following day. 

The drive from the airport to Jonny’s place isn’t long, but Jonny spends all of it thinking about what’s going to happen next. He can’t stop thinking about what Patrick said back at the hotel in Vegas and he can’t stop thinking about how they might be able to fix this—to go back to the way things were before everything fell apart. The song playing on the radio sounds familiar and Jonny sighs happily before he turns up the volume and makes a right turn onto the street. 

Once he gets to his building, he sees Patrick’s car parked in front and doesn’t snort at how much his visit lacks subtlety, if the large hummer sitting right in front of the condo is any indication. Jonny shakes his head and drives into the underground parking lot where he parks his car. He grabs his gear and his small duffle, leaving a few things in the trunk because he knows he won’t need them in the apartment, like his skates, his sticks, etc. 

He takes his time walking to the elevator, dragging his feet on the ground until he reaches the door and presses on the button with his free hand. The elevator takes its time and Jonny starts to get antsy, because there’s nothing he wants more than to be at his apartment right now, sitting on the couch with Patrick. As if it read his mind, the elevator dings and the door slides open to an empty elevator and Jonny lets himself in before he presses the button that closes the doors repeatedly. 

Once he’s inside and the doors are closed, he takes a deep breath and pushes all his things on one side of the elevator before pressing the button for the twenty-eighth floor. The elevator shakes before it starts moving and soon enough, it dings and stops, letting someone in on the ground floor. It’s a guy about Jonny’s age, maybe a little older and he presses the button to the thirty-sixth floor before retreating to the back of the elevator, on the opposite side of where Jonny’s standing. 

Jonny decides not to say anything and lets his head fall against the cold, metallic elevator wall and lets the shaking of the elevator lull him into a relaxed state until he reaches his own floor. He grabs his things and steps out, turning to his left into a long corridor and the grin that creeps onto his face once he sees Patrick standing next to the door is genuine. 

Patrick’s jiggling a set of keys in his hand and he’s returning the grin when Jonny drops all his things on the floor. They spend a few seconds staring at each other before Patrick breaks the silence. 

“Hey,” he says, bumping his shoulder against Jonny’s. 

Jonny’s grin widens as he takes his keys out of his suit pocket, twisting them into the slot before pushing the door open. He lets Patrick walk in first and follows him inside with all of his things. Once the door closes, Jonny places his bags next to it and walks over to Patrick. 

“Hey,” he echoes.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [tumblr](jonnytazers.tumblr.com)!


End file.
